A mourner may return to a normal work and social schedule after this ceremony. Today we offer a wide range of books, online resources, training programs for all ages and topics, a weekly podcast and a selection of greeting cards and paper products. Just as It is all part of Gods plan might not go down well with an atheist, He will soon be reborn into a more beautiful life can be hugely offending to someone who doesnt believe in rebirth. Friends may call or visit family members of the deceased to offer their condolences upon hearing of the death and may bring flowers to them at that time. We are very sorry for your loss. It's best to wait until the funeral service is over to greet the family, unless they're greeting people before the service. During times of grief, everyone wants to say or do the right thing, the loving thing, the appropriate thing, but it isn't always clear what that is. JavaScript is disabled. May God bring speed to your childs soul. It is helpful to remember that this is not a place where attendance gets marked, and definitely the last place to be soliciting ones business regardless of what it might be. While silence is perfectly acceptable, a few well-chosen, soft words of comfort can help ease the pain. Surinder taught his children to live with intent and to be good ancestors. Who else would she like to have involved as eulogists, readers or ushers? When a person dies, their atman (spirit or soul) is reincarnated into a different physical body or life form (human, animal, insect or plant). In summary, visiting a grieving family requires good knowledge of etiquette as outlined above. No two families and no two deaths are the same; it is therefore a pointless exercise. On behalf of this community, I would like to offer our heartfelt condolences and prayers to your entire family. If they are in hospital, it is helpful to inform the chaplain about their spiritual needs (with the patients permission). Weapons do not cut this Spirit, fire does not burn it, water does not make it wet, and the wind does not make it dry. Talk to your friend's family. There are several ways to show honor and to respect the memory of the departed, including visiting in person. Weapons do not cut this Spirit, fire does not burn it, water does not make it wet, and the wind does not make it dry. He would tell you that mourning only keeps you from fulfilling your role as head of this family. Consider it an honor to help your friend during this painful time. While it can be difficult to know just what to say to someone who has experienced a death, many people who have experienced a death appreciate being contacted. of an actual attorney. Its important not to confuse peace and speed here, as speed is the best and appropriate choice. What rituals take place before someone dies? However, they include prayers, rice balls and flowers are arranged around the body, a lamp is kept near the bodys head, food is offered, and water is sprinkled over the body. Emily Post training and consultation services are available for groups, businesses and individuals. In Hinduism, theres samsarathe continuous cycle of reincarnation. During the weeks and months of loneliness that follow, especially after the crowds disperse, the bereaved person might feel that the world is avoiding them. One of the worst bloopers and a bane of modern technology when not done right, taking unsolicited photographs is a total no-no at a home where death has just occurred. Get the latest tips and resources for Londoners delivered to your inbox every month. Not attending religious functions or celebrations. Before the funeral, Catholics hold the Vigil (Wake). Here's a list of simple and concise condolence messages that can be sent to a person in grief. Guests may attend the cremation, but if they do not want to, they may depart after the service. He was a good banker but wouldnt part with a dime if you ever asked him, Then there are a few whose sole purpose of visit seems to be to estimate how grief-stricken the family is. Loud conversation on unrelated topics. For the family, the trauma of having to retell the story over and over can be horrific. The ashes are usually scattered in a local river or the sea or maybe taken to India to be scattered in any one of the holy rivers, such as the Ganga. Members of the immediate family aren't chosen, as their place is with the family. You should not bring flowers to a Hindu funeral. It also conveys an understanding that while there is a cycle to life, there is only one reality. You have a great responsibility now. This period usually lasts for 10 days. It is not slain when the body is slain. Bhagavad Gita 2.20. Send hand-selected and thoughtful gifts appropriate for those of the Hindu faith to let them know you care. The soul is neither born, nor does it ever die; nor having once existed, does it ever cease to exist. The important thing is that you have received comfort from the many who have helped you. We depend on advertising to keep our content free for you. Cake offers its users do-it-yourself online forms to complete their own wills and
Hare Krishna. And unlike a phone call or a personal visit, e-mail doesn't require an immediate response from the recipient. Give items to use or display in the home in remembrance of the loved one. (Bhagavad Gita, 2.23-24). Well take you through some examples of condolences or sympathies below and try to iron out whats commonplace or whats appropriate in specific contexts. LinkedIn. Some friends have the knack for hitting all the right notes and saying all of the right things. This forum contains old posts that have been closed. I understand that cerain days like Fridays and Saturdays are avoided for such visits. 6. Make a list of all the ways your loved one enriched . Traditional rites of Hindu funerals dictate that this ceremony should only be attended by men. The wake is usually reserved just for family members. Saraff, Anjula & Srivastava, Harish. The choice of clothing should be made to show respect for the deceased and those grieving. Flowers play a significant role in Hindu funerals but are used much differently from those in Western funerals. Offer your help in other ways, such as ushering, delivering a reading, preparing the program for the service, or assisting the family with plans for the service or for any reception afterwards (if there is one). There is often an emphasis on white flowers. Your sister was a beautiful person. At that time, one can bright gifts like fruit. Whilst it may be difficult to observe all Hindu death rituals in a hospital or care home, it is helpful to remember the following so that the patient can stay true to their faith: What rituals take place after someone dies? Visitors are also welcome during this period. Ultimately, Hindus believe that through praxis, accumulation of good karma, and divine grace, moksha (liberation) can be achieved after death. For many people who have experienced a death, it can be helpful to know that their closest friends and family are thinking of them and are available to help. Silence is golden: Mark Twains classic quote is noteworthy in the context of visiting a bereaved family. Thats why cremation is preferred. Hinduism, like other great religions, has specific rituals for honoring the deceased and addressing a family's grief. The dos as well as the donts are important. A Hindu priest will be invited to visit and to purify the house with incense, prayers and mantra. For some, writing notes is helpful as they work through their grief; for others it is too difficult to get much done for some time. Harper San Francisco. The family primarily staying in the family home during this time. "Would you like to have lunch with me next Tuesday?" Your sister was an honorable woman who sacrificed much for her family. In such situations too, it is helpful to remember that no hospital would knowingly do anything that could harm the patient. If you're completely overwhelmed by the prospect, and feel that you must decline, it's okay to do so. It is proper to visit and be with the family during this time. While there's no rule book, the visitation, whether held at a funeral home or the family's home, is a good opportunity to express your condolences. The Bhagavad Gita says that the bodys destiny is to die. Sharma, A. It is customary to visit within 10 days the family of the person who passed away. In some cases, it would then be appropriate to recognize this care and give it the honor it deserves. Please, search or browse our comprehensive online etiquette articles. The soul, however, must continue with its journey. generalized educational content about wills. And if you plan on visiting themyou'll spend more time in silence rather than offering condolences. I remember my neighbour had a much more terrible time with the same disease. Hindu funeral rituals decree that cremation is the custom, but the deceased body remains in the home of the family until you move it to the cremation place. Are you sure you want to Unsubscribe from Malayala Manorama News letter/ Alert. Also, there may be a Hindu funeral ceremony called shraddha that usually takes place after 10 days from the death. It is appropriate to visit the home of the family as an expression of comfort and support. Das, S. (n.d.). The more you practice, the more comfortable you will be delivering it at the service. In order to settle the estate, all outstanding bills and dues that the How To Express Sympathy: What To Say And What Weve compiled a list of things to sayand things to avoid sayingwhen A Quick Overview Of Proper Funeral Etiquette. 9. If you decide you want to do it, then write your talk from your heart. Moments with the family will usually be driven by the number of people waiting to offer their condolences. During subsequent visits, suggestions can be offered, but only when sought by the family. Common blunders while visiting the bereaved: 1. And if you plan on visiting themyoull spend more time in silence rather than offering condolences. 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May she rest in peace. This link will open in a new window. In all branches of Hinduism, family plays a key role in helping their loved one prepare for their death and rebirth. Can you tell me what exactly happened? As a general rule, the closer your relationship to the bereaved, the sooner you should contact him or her. At the point of acute loss, the person will be numb and will not be able to listen to long lectures and suggestions by visitors. Throughout this time, families may display a picture of their loved one, adorned with a garland of flowers, somewhere in their house. Sometimes, guests also attend this ceremony. Have a shortened version ready in case you find yourself breaking down. When someone you know has experienced the death, it's a natural impulse to want to reach out and offer sympathy, condolences, and support. It is best to make the enquiries on the day of death, and remain close to the bereaved and assisting them.If this is not possible, one can visit the house on even days except monday, tuesday and friday., even the monday is an even day thanjavur dist. When someone has lived a happy, full life, there may be increased celebrations and dancing. Letting the bereaved know that you are thinking of him or her and that you care can mean a lot. Distant relatives and more casual friends and acquaintances may prefer visiting the family at the funeral home. However, different Hindu groups may have different funeral rituals. It is customary to make a brief visit and spend a few moments in private prayer and then to visit with the family members. 13. Your mother had a happy death. Notes of condolence should be acknowledged with a handwritten note. It is unborn, eternal, permanent, and primeval. The fees for the advice of an attorney should not be compared to the fees of do-it-yourself online
Blaming the family for not choosing another hospital or doctor is a common and futile exercise that occurs at bereaved homes. Amen. APPROPRIATE DAYS TO VISIT BEREAVED FAMILY: BEFORE NOVEMBER 1 OR 2 Just like any other special occasion or celebration, sometimes the best way to visit is the day before the said "peak season." This is to avoid a crowded space and a possible ruckus while visiting. There are all kinds of people in the world with vastly contrasting belief systemseach convinced that theirs is the right version. Some Hindu traditions advocate devotional singing and scriptural recital during this time, rather than consider it a time of mourning; instead, realising it as a celebration that the soul has now been liberated and resides eternally in the abode of God. Chances are youll know this about your friends familial history enough to gauge an appropriate message based on his upbringing. Good and bad manners do exist about visiting the bereaved, albeit with some variation between cultures. Thats because they are considered to be impure spiritually during the mourning period. A kind friend never leaves our hearts; they will remain with us always. However, mourners can check with the funeral director or family for finding out whats appropriate for that particular funeral. Those can include: During these thirteen days, the family and friends of the deceased are given the freedom to express their grief rather than keep it bottled up inside. As hard as it can be to believe, some overly curious visitors have the tendency to interrogate the family about the cause of death. This may include feelings of shock, sadness, and even guilt. Share a toast. Because of the short cremation time, there is no requirement for embalming. Additionally, they are not to touch or go near the family shrine. If you knew him, some kind words about himperhaps an anecdotewould mean a lot. For example, chewing loudly with an open mouth and talking with ones mouth full of food are considered bad table manners not because the offender has a problem with it, but because the others would find it repulsive. In either case, develop a list of questions that your friend will need to answer. Usually, Hindu funerals take place within a single day and sometimes, two days after the deaths time. If this cultural shift is your cousins history, it might be appropriate to mention that distinction to honor them both after. Often, the best thing one can do is to listen patiently without interrupting. When writing sympathy cards for Hindu loved ones, geography plays a vital role. Today is a sad day for us. Your personal condolence note would be especially kind, too. Below, well use this concept in offering messages for the loss of a child. It is also appropriate to visit the home of the family to offer comfort and support. eCondolence.com, LLC | Copyright 2023. or the universal soul. It's up to you. Then, organize help with phone calls and the preparation of a newspaper announcement. Visitations are usually held one or two days prior to the funeral service during a fixed set of hours. subject to our Terms of Use. Your are already subscribed for Malayala Manorama News Letter/Alert. It's worth noting that some communities and faiths have an open casket at the visitation and at the funeral service. Think of some light, special stories about your friend. At Hindu funerals, mourners should not wear anything black. Although their intent might be good, it doesnt always work that way. This is made worse when people pick the phone up and start talking at the top of their voice as though they were at a party. Unfortunately, we sometimes see inappropriate things being said during such an occasion. People sometimes blurt out statements in the hope of comforting the grieving, but achieve exactly the opposite. We hope her journey is comforted by Lord Krishna (or Lord Rama). You can quickly highlight a friends accomplishments without getting too wordy while acknowledging their belief systemsas a general way of living. Whether we are comfortable with it or not, visiting bereaved families is part of living in society. If there is no relationship with the family, introduce yourself and briefly explain your relationship with the deceased. The truth is, each family is unique, and a visitor will have little idea about the actual pains that the family went through to keep the person healthy and alive. Most 10-year-olds are ready for this type of experience, as long as they are accompanied by a parent or someone else close to them. Most of the Hindu mourning rituals performed are designed to promote the free expression of emotions. I understand that not only did your friend mean a great deal to you, but also that Keyur was well-loved by his family and community. Today, many take their ashes to a nearby place to their home. As author Arvind Sharma writes, Hinduism is not a thing; it is a process. He would more or less characterize Hinduism as a method or temperament. Another option is to ask a close relative or friend to write some notes on your behalf. Since it is such a singular honor, one shouldn't refuse an invitation to be a pallbearer except for illness or absence from the location in which the funeral is being held. 15. Those who are close to the family may volunteer to do such tasks. Once Nirvana is attained, the reincarnation cycle ends. In Hinduism, it is not uncommon for someone to formulate their unique way of practicing their faith. This reincarnation belief provides the base for Hindu funeral rites. There are no set customs prohibiting working during the period of mourning, so returning to work is often an individual decision. Remember, the subject of your eulogy is the person's best qualities, not your feelings. They'll surely understand. Following their bathing, they will clean the house, as it is a Hindu belief that when someone dies, their home and its inhabitants are left unclean and impure. Kalyana saavu is roughly translated as happy death, and you would use this phrasing to honor someones life and legacy. She was neatly dressed and even had her hair put up. Thanks. If not familiar with the situation, it is helpful to call a friend who knows the family, to find out beforehand when and where to visit, and what the right thing to do is while visiting. If youre not familiar with these Hindu funeral customs, you may also see a lot of food and drink. Memorial Day for Divorced Parents. In her own time and way, she will start to venture forth more. Shinto - The tradition is to give used money to the family in an envelope decorated in black and silver. They can wear open-toe shoes. With that, parents will often go to great lengths to ensure the success of their families. Blaming the family for not doing enough. In fact, unless we are absolutely certain of the familys religious and spiritual convictions, it is better to avoid the topic altogether, and give them some space instead. When attending a senior persons funeral, enquiring publicly about the age of the deceased is inappropriate, whereas nodding in approval of the stated age is downright rude. Close with warm words, such as "With deepest sympathy." Whether you are going to a, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Parent, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Sibling, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Friend, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Partner or Spouse, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Child. Please Click Here on how you can do that. Some people have the knack for amplifying or worsening the existing sorrow by dropping pessimistic remarks such as Ohshe was so young, she had her whole life ahead of her!, How sad it is for her children! When in doubt, silence is the best option. As there is no room for error, it is better to go prepared than be caught by surprise not knowing how to respond in such situations. If a Hindu, they can participate in the chanting of mantras. When it comes to jewelry, they should not wear anything flashy and keep it light. Time spent at the funeral home may vary. 6. Often there will be some open visitation for an hour or so just prior to the funeral service. Everything will be fine is another pass phrase where both the speaker and listener know its a lie. To upgrade your account, please visit the account upgrades page. Whats regionally accepted in Southern India, for example, may not be appropriate or even standard in the North. Responding to a Clients Note of Appreciation, Addressing a Former President of the United States, Complete Guide to Writing Thank You Notes, Attire Guide: Dress Codes from Casual to White Tie, Five Tips for Looking Crisp and Keeping Cool in the Workplace, How to Help When Someone is in the Hospital, Definition of Etiquette - Consideration, Respect and Honesty, Wedding Etiquette 101: Everything You Need to Know. Finding the proper way to express condolences can be difficult. She lived her life to its fullest, so we should celebrate her life to honor her legacy. Generally, only people who are particularly invited to the shraddha ceremony will attend. Weather conditions, circumstances and setting of the funeral, and religious and cultural traditions may affect the choices for clothing made. It would surely be a meaningful and caring gesture. He leads the family and mourners in various Hindu funeral rituals. 4. After the mourning period, it is appropriate to visit the deceaseds family at their place. The Spirit is not destroyed when the body is destroyed. However, it is usually the eldest son who presides at the cremation. Just letting her know that you are thinking about her can be helpful. The Hindu mourning period (sutak) typically lasts ten to thirteen days and includes various rituals, such as prayers and preparing certain foods, depending on the particular Hindu tradition of the family. It is worth knowing that they are not always expecting a reply from uswe just need to listen. After that, the body is moved to the cremation place from the home, where the cremation ceremony takes place. If you want to do something now, send a donation as suggested by the family. Family members have an open invitation to attend the service. Copyright 2018 Manoramaonline. Everplans is not a licensed healthcare provider, medical professional, law firm, or financial advisory firm, and the employees of Everplans are not acting as your healthcare providers, medical professionals, attorneys, or financial advisors. On the first anniversary of the death, a memorial event (shraaddha) is held to pay homage to the deceased. During this period, the close relatives of the deceased person abstain from celebrations and . Upon learning of the death of a family member, friend or colleague, it is common to contact a member of the family to express condolences and offer help and assistance. After all, some of the wisest people can almost convey a book in a matter of a sentence. That said, if you are thinking about contacting the bereaved or would like to offer your condolences, you should absolutely do so. (Extra chairs can be made available for the elderly.) Now you can focus on leaving a legacy instead of a mess. During this time, because the family of the deceased is considered impure, they are bound by several rules of behavior. How can people of the Hindu faith be supported when grieving? forms. New threads and replies may not be made here. Friends and relatives may visit to offer condolences and participate in Hindu prayer and scriptural readings to provide solace to the bereaved. Theyre good people inside and out, living a life marked with joy and fulfillment. Someones positive familial and community impact is enough of a statement to their character in and of itself. The length of the mourning period in Korea is largely dependent on the individual and is traditionally for 100 days. Offer specific assistance: "I'm going to the grocery. Discussions about unhealthy habits leading to an early demise can be reserved for later. Traditional stereotypes have shifted in other, more suburban areas of India. Otherwise, if they show and express sorrow, guests will offer words to help them accept what has happened to move forward. During the ceremony, non-Hindus can sit quietly. It is a common slip-up for people to assume that sharing their own religious beliefs would bring solace to the bereaved family. It is typical for the family to decorate the house with icons of saints, burning incense and a single candle memorializing the deceased. Ask the person who will be officiating at the service for any tips on preparing and delivering a eulogy. During this period, the immediate family follows all Hindu mourning rites. One needs to observe at least 10 to 30 days of mourning. In Gujarati families, there is a belief that the departed soul rests on the rooftop of the house observing everything for the next 13 days. then, practice it out loud, preferably in front of another person or a mirror. You and your wife are well poised to take over your family. The family should be consulted about any jewellery and religious symbols that need to be left in place. Good Thinking provides a range of resources to help Londoners improve their mental wellbeing. Everyone has to wear white, including the family members and guests. The funeral home will have chairs for the family graveside on the day of the funeral. Incidentally, it is perfectly acceptable not to cry, as each person processes grief differently. A Hindu priest is an officiant, who presides over all Hindu funeral rites. Facebook. Grief is Complex, Etiquette Can Help Keep it Simple. "Mukhagni" or a cremation ceremony. By merely being there, listening and taking care of the details, you'll undoubtedly be a great help to her during this sad time. advice. The mourning period lasts for 10 days after the death. The mourning period is observed at the grieving family's home and will last from 10 to 30 days. Your clear expression of sympathy and caring for your coworker is what matters the most. The act of explaining to the son or daughter or other close relatives about the good nature and help rendered by the deceased and give condolences to them is called Enquiring about the grief. Though the above list is handy, we need to be extraordinarily perceptive and must have the ability to adapt according to the mood and vibe prevailing in each instance.