So she said I always support my husband for equal treatment with all wives because this life is much better than the previous one." The purpose of this study is to investigate married womens experiences in polygamous marriages and their ways of coping to accept this relationship. The study was conducted in 2017 with approval from the institution and polygamous women. In Pakistani culture, infertility can be one of the reasons but exploring other factors like love marriage and family pressure, and religious reference are also common factors. In the Muslim world, polygamy is acknowledged because it is supported and associated with religious doctrine as well as a fair and legal way of relationship. Khazuyeva also has two parking spaces in an apartment building on Moscow's Mosfilmovskaya Street. The disadvantage of being a second wife Sense of insecurity The second wife will face insecurity toward her husband which will take her in a severe sense of doubts and auspiciousness. Challenges of Polygamy Partiality of husbands: this is where. She also never tried to snatch her husband from the previous co-wives as she said in her religion the Holy Book says A man can marry women of his choice two or three or four, but there must be justice and equality otherwise only one is enough". All the above shows that there is really no marriage between the both parties. Data was collected from 11 polygamous women who consented to an in-depth interview. She stated, "'in my religion, co-wives expect to get along. He may be wounded and certain things may trigger an emotional response, such as . In Muslim families the textual basis is provided by the Holy Quran for the practice of polygamy: "Marry women of your choice two, or three, or four, but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one". I don't care about the feelings of his first wife, his first . A married couple that stays together can rack up plenty of debt, but what about a marriage that ends? She said, "We both share the housework and I always take care of her children". Jankowiak W, Sudakov M, Wilreker BC. A new law that went into effect in Kenya this week makes it legal for a man to marry as many women as he wants. Since that we gave importance, care and love toward each other, i accept his proposal. A nurse brought me this far she took me into her arms and her home and decided she would be my mother. Changes to the law have meant that women in customary marriages now have more protection than before. As she had a new born she told when she was admitted to the hospital 1st wife of her husband prepared and brought food for her from the home. What are the disadvantages of being a second wife? Formal permission was taken from the institution for data collection. When people. Treating me with the resentment of a union official watching a house being constructed with non-union labor, my erstwhile friend watched me build up and remodel my life. Polygamy is the general, gender-neutral term for any marriage between three or more people.Polygyny is a specific term used to describe a marriage that includes one husband and at least two wives. One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, 2. Her ex-husband died. So, you're happily married to the Muslim man of your dreams when, suddenly, he drops the p-bomb: polygamy. It could have been the man's problem too. Women need to be empowered with education and positive affirmation of self-worth. Female infanticide and killing women for giving birth to a baby girl a case study of Pakistan inproceedings of socioint14-international conference on social sciences and humanities. Family Process. Crookston EM. Al-Krenawi A, Graham JR. A Comparison of family functioning, life, and marital satisfaction, and mental health of women in polygamous and monogamous marriages. But Thembi* (the second wife) shocked our husband and decided to stay in the main house with Thamsanqa. They each have their separate rooms, and their husband alternates time spent between them equally. Mrs. Imam was the first wife with a love marriage and she had two female children in three years. Lillian, for example, says she changed her mind because she could see how sorry Thamsanqa was for hurting her, and when he explained his reasons she was able to move from heartbreak to acceptance. The policymakers and law enforcement agencies should pass laws for the welfare of polygamous women. Love marriage: Love marriage is a very common reason for co-wives [13]. The historic context was that men often died in battle . Family pressure: Family pressure is also one of the common reasons for polygamous marriages. The Advantages and Disadvantages of Polygamous Homes. While a second marriage can be successful, its still a relationship composed of two imperfect people. In part, this is due to the fact that there is still a contingent for which a marriage without children is only slightly more honorable than a series of one-night stands. Mrs. Ahmad was a second wife and it was a love marriage. A man and his second wife in Pakistan tell of their daily fear of being killed by assassins at the behest of their families. 2008; 42(2), 103-117. After 11 years passed when she had not conceived her in-laws forced her husband for co-wife. "Risk"? In Pakistan culture, most polygamous women get relief in religious practices and other activities as one of the senior wives (Mrs. Amir) said "whenever I am depressed, I am used to saying my prayer and get relief because divorce is not an option for me." His actions went against the traditional practice of asking for her permission and mediating until a solution is found, but legally he was within his rights. In this concern two research experts (co-authors) were consulted. Method: Exploratory qualitative method was used. Another common stereotype that is associated with females is to give birth to only female children which increasing the ratio of female infanticide because some men are in favor of only male children. Love and (Polygamous) Marriage? Two Questions to Help You Spot a Clingy Partner-to-Be. 2002; 32(1-2): 58-66. Brigham Young and His Wives. I realized, several years after I remarried, that one of my oldest friends never quite forgave me for getting on with life after my divorce. You feel stuck and feel as if you do not belong where you are. Emerging broken, bruised and bleeding from a previous fall when the parachute didnt quite open, he is nevertheless willing to do it again and at an even greater risk-- everyone knows second marriages are risky. 15 Signs of a Histrionic Narcissist in a Relationship, How to Make an Anxious Avoidant Relationship Work: 15 Ways, 15 Signs of Narcissistic Parents-in-Law and How to Deal With Them, 15 Signs of a Clinically Covert Narcissist Husband, Why Do I Attract Narcissists: 10 Reasons & Ways to Stop It, Denial Stage of Grief: Signs and How to cope, 10 Ways to Deal With Your Husband Not Wanting You, 5 Ways to Fall Out of Love After Infidelity, Treading Carefully: Getting Back Together After Separation, 3 Ways Separation in Marriage Can Make a Relationship Stronger, 10 Things You Must Know Before Separating From Your Husband, 12 Steps to Rekindle a Marriage After Separation, How to Combat the 5 Glaring Effects of Anxiety After Infidelity, How to Have a Trial Separation in the Same House, Feeling No Emotional Connection With Your Husband, How to Get Back Together After Separation, 6 Ways to Tell if Someone is Lying About Cheating, 5 Signs That You Are Living in a Toxic Marriage, 7 Important Tips to Build Trust in a Relationship, 10 Effective Communication Skills for Healthy Marriages, 20 Signs of a Married Man in Love With Another Woman. Hence, before you embark on your marital journey, you must understand the second marriage problems and how to handle them. Bigamy occurs when one man illegally marries more than one woman. Different coping strategies have been explored to deal with the co-wives relationship by women to share their mutual husbands. She met Mr. Kamran 6 years back and married her after falling in love. Following subthemes were included in these main theme categories. When he proposed to her she first came to me to check if he had my blessing. To find out the reasons for multiple spouses by men. That tends to bring with it even more debt and insecurities. It is still bound to have some of the same relationship issues that we all face from time to time. She explained" in the beginning, my husband ignored me and my daughters and reduces the monthly income for my children. https://www.mckinleyirvin.com/family-law-blog/2012/october/32-shocking-divorce-statistics/, https://www.gottman.com/blog/10-rules-successful-second-marriage/, Living with a Spouse Who Has Aspergers Syndrome: the Cloud of Secrecy. If the person in the second marriage who was married before didnt have children, then chances are they never have to even talk to their ex again. In another study man's wife having been diagnosed with a mental health problem, infertility, a man has only daughters or having children mentally and physically sick or man's wife older than he is, and exchange marriage are common reasons were discussed in a previous study. Remember, in a normal setup the wives are not enemies nor are they in competition, Maphalala points out. Consent i s the keyword. Problematic: Polygamy can be problematic from a legal and religious way. Can expand your gene pool. "We being realistic have accepted the co-wives". The strength of the study is an attempt to seek the coping strategies of co-wives to deal with such relationships in the Pakistani context. Here are some people revealing the truth of what polygamous relationships are really like. Jealousy: Jealousy is a common response to protect ones relationship [14]. You get easily insecure and offended as you feel that everything your spouse does revolve around his ex-wife and kids. Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. So finding a man who respects women like uBaba is a blessing, The two women share the home duties between them, taking turns cooking and cleaning, and their six children help with the dishes and other household duties. 70% of those second marriages end in divorce. Mrs. Kamal helped to take care of her co-wife and her new born. The 58-year-old and her husband, Thamsanqa*, 65, married when Lillian was 18. My first marriage--even though it lasted five years--did not. Eva wasn't happy, but her husband went ahead and traditionally married the two women without her consent. She told that She was like a witch, spoiled my whole family. 5. Polygamy has become common practice in many communities including Pakistan. She also explained, "I never made differences among children". The effects of polygamy on children and adolescents: A systematic review. He killed her when I was nine years old and he was arrested. Rossi P. Strategic choices in polygamous households: Theory and evidence from Senegal. One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, people are far less accepting of a second wife. Yet we make as felicitous a stepfamily as you are likely to find. Many people think bigamy and polygamy mean the same thing . She said, "Emotions change with priorities". This was a very uncertain and painful time for me. Results: Three themes emerged from the study based on findings. Mrs. Tanveer was 39 years old lady. Journal of Moral Philosophy. He loved her, and I was fond of her, Lillian says. You feel the need to establish more control over the decisions of your partner. "I'm in a traditionalist polygamist relationship. One female Mrs. Abdullah was feeding a new born baby she was 3rd wife of her husband. The current study provides preliminary data on women in polygamous marriages and the foundation for further research. Yet there are many other cultures that support a mans choice to take more than one wife and believe it is something that can benefit the women as well. Many qualitative and quantitative studies have been conducted to evaluate the challenges and issues facing polygamous women on an international level. Mrs. Gulzar was another first/senior wife having three daughters. By marrying uBaba Ive not only gained an amazing husband and beautiful children Ive also gained a sister I wouldnt otherwise have had. It's like when you are a kid, and you have had the same best friend since you were a baby; then, suddenly, in high school, you have a new best friend. like grandparents, aunts, and uncles, etc., may not ever see you as an actual parent of the other persons biological child. She said that she and her husband was working in the same organization. Practicing polygamy as a legal permanent resident can lead to deportation, as can a criminal conviction for bigamy. Three themes emerged from the study based on findings. Al-Krenawi A, Slonim-Nevo V. Success and failure among polygamous families: The experience of wives, husbands, and children. Not the wives of college friends, not old relatives who can't remember new names but who remember that they shelled out good money for a fancy gift the first time around, and especially not the original wife, who thinks of herself as the bona fide wife. The study is not against polygamy but the need to improve the family structure of polygamous families is a major concern. My husband has two wives . In a previous study by the perceived advantages of polygyny included sharing house chores and child-rearing similarly in the present study most of the polygamous women were reported particularly the infertile women helped the co-wives to bring up their children as well as daily household activities. Jul 20, 2016, 1:53 AM. Both verbal and written consent was obtained. I know in some families the children of the first wife have some sort of higher status, but this is my home and I dont want to raise my children like that, Thamsanqa says. She was a nurse and divorce. Polygyny, the marriage of a man and two or more women at the same time, includes an analogous sororal . She said, "I used to take care of my child and co-wife's as well". She always imposes a fine of 5,000 Malaysian ringgit (around $1,700) and six strikes of a cane. I grew up as an only child, and I always knew I wanted a lot of children, but my wifes pregnancy with the twins was very complicated. In some Middle Eastern countries, polygamy is regulated and the second, third or fourth wife, has legal rights.